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trauma

ALERT! GUEST POST!!

Connected Treasures

We are so thrilled to have become connected with Dr. Alan Weissenbacher. We are excited about the possibilities that this relationship will foster. Our first endeavor together, is the wisdom that Dr. Weissenbacher is sharing with us in this guest post.

Should Christians Get Counseling?

By Dr. Alan Weissenbacher

Have you ever thought of the Good Samaritan story (Luke 10:25-37) from the perspective of the victim?

Jesus gives no particular identity to the victim, but maybe we can imagine what this unidentified person might say. “Ouch, I hurt. Everything has been stolen, even my clothes! Oh, a priest is coming. Go ahead and walk by. No worries. I have prayed to God, and He is sufficient for me. Wait, now this Samaritan is stopping. No need, no need. I don’t want to burden you. God will not give me more than I can bear. Carry on. It’s just a flesh wound. I’ll be ok. Wait! Stop! Why are you putting me on your donkey?”

This is not how the story goes! The expectation in the real story is that someone who needs help should get help! Yet many of us struggle with the idea of asking for help, particularly regarding needs related to mental and emotional health. We tell ourselves that all we need is to take our problems to God in prayer – and we should – or that God is sufficient for our needs – and He is. But that is not the end of it.

Proverbs 11:14 (NKJ) says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” We are supposed to seek wisdom and advice from others. This is highlighted again a few chapters later in Proverbs 18:15 (NKJ) that says, “The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” We are also told in Galatians 6:2 (NKJ) to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” If we need help, advice, or direction, we are told to seek out others.

There are people in the body of Christ who have the God-given talent and training to provide wisdom to people in areas of their mental and emotional lives: marriage/family therapy, addiction therapy, trauma recovery, counseling for mental problems like anxiety or depression, or life-coaching to name a few. The spiritual gift of healing (I Cor. 12:9) doesn’t just relate to physical issues, it covers mental ones as well. If you need help, get help. And it does not have to be a “major” issue. Counseling is seeking wisdom from someone trained to help you work through whatever you need to, from serious life issues to challenges common to many such as changing jobs or kids going away to college. Deciding which type of therapy is right for you depends on your needs and varies from person to person, but the bottom line Biblically is to seek help.

And getting wisdom when a problem is small keeps it from becoming more serious later, and healing will likely be faster. For example, if my airline flight from San Francisco to New York is one degree off, it is much easier to course correct early when I am only a few miles off course than at the end of my flight where I find myself in the Arctic.

But what about the idea God will never give us more than we can handle, often interpreted as “We can get through this without outside help?” Why should we get counseling?

The idea of God not giving us more than we can handle comes from 1 Cor. 10:13, where it says that you will not be tempted beyond what you can bear, and God will always provide a way out. Yes, God will provide a way, but the verse does not specify what that way is. What if the very solution God is giving you are professionals who can help? And to press this further, “God not giving us more than we can

handle on our own” is not Biblical. Life constantly gives us more than we can handle. This is why we need to rely on God. John 15:5, states that God is the vine and we are the branches, and apart from God we can do nothing. Life is more than we can handle. We need to rely on God and the means God gives to empower us: prayer, Scripture, and the body of Christ – other people.

Also, it may be pride and wanting to be self-sufficient that stands in the way of asking for help, and both are not Biblical. We need others for encouragement, wisdom, and to shed light on areas of which we might be unaware. After all, we can be masters at deceiving ourselves.

In conclusion, think of a hill with fresh snow. Earlier in the day, you can sled down however you want. As the day progresses, you carve some deep furrows in the snow, and it steadily becomes harder to make a fresh track. You easily fall into the earlier ruts and follow them down. Your brain is like this hill. Through the years you have worn some deep grooves in your brain for various thoughts and behaviors, and some of them are so deep and established that you cannot get out of them alone.

If you need help, get help. As stated in Proverbs 12:15 (NKJ), “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” Seek it out.

Dr. Alan Weissenbacher is the author of The Brain Change Program. He served many years as a chaplain at the Denver Rescue Mission, where he helped homeless addicts by removing them from an urban setting, empowering them to operate a farm, and providing them counseling, spiritual care, and job training. His work with these clients inspires his research into neuroscience, spiritual formation, and methods of improving spiritual lives, religious care, and addiction recovery. http://www.brainchangeprogram.com

trauma

Your Worth Is Not Defined by Your Relationship Status: A Valentine’s Day Reminder

Connected Treasures

Valentine’s Day is here again—store shelves are overflowing with heart-shaped chocolates, social media feeds are filled with #CoupleGoals, and romantic gestures seem to be happening everywhere. If you’re single, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing out. But let’s be clear: your worth is not defined by whether or not you’re in a relationship.

Being single on Valentine’s Day—or any day—doesn’t mean you’re lacking love. It means you have an opportunity to cultivate the most important relationship of all: the one with yourself.

Why Your Self-Worth Is Not Tied to a Romantic Relationship

We live in a society that often equates happiness with being in love. Movies, songs, and even family expectations can make it seem like being single is something to “fix.” But the truth is, you are complete on your own.

Your value isn’t determined by whether someone chooses you. You are worthy because you exist—because you are kind, intelligent, creative, resilient, and so much more. Being in a relationship doesn’t make you more valuable; it just adds another dynamic to your life.

If you find yourself feeling down or like you’re “falling behind,” remind yourself: love is not a prize for your worthiness—it’s an experience, not a requirement.

How to Avoid the Valentine’s Day Funk

If you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness or sadness this Valentine’s Day, here are some ways to shift your perspective and celebrate self-love instead:

1. Celebrate Your Own Kind of Love

Love isn’t just romantic—it’s found in friendships, family, pets, and even your passions. Spend the day appreciating the love that already surrounds you. Call a friend, visit a family member, or cuddle with your pet. Love is everywhere if you’re open to seeing it.

2. Treat Yourself the Way You Want to Be Treated

If you love the idea of receiving flowers or chocolates, why wait for someone else to buy them? Treat yourself. Take yourself out to dinner, order your favorite meal, or have a cozy night in with a good movie and snacks. Self-care is self-love.

3. Stay Off Social Media (If It Brings You Down)

If scrolling through endless couples’ posts makes you feel worse, take a break from social media. What you see online is a highlight reel—not real life. Focus on your own happiness instead of comparing your journey to someone else’s.

4. Do Something That Makes You Feel Confident

Confidence is attractive and empowering. Dress up in an outfit that makes you feel amazing, go to the gym, start a new hobby, or dance around your room to your favorite playlist. Feeling good in your own skin is a form of self-love.

5. Connect with Other Singles

You’re not alone! Plan a night out (or in) with other single friends, host a movie marathon, or join an event for people celebrating self-love. Being around like-minded people can remind you that being single is not a bad thing—it’s a phase of life that can be just as fulfilling.

6. Write a Love Letter to Yourself

Take a moment to acknowledge your strengths, your growth, and all the things that make you special. Write yourself a love letter filled with affirmations and gratitude. Read it whenever you need a reminder of how amazing you are.

7. Focus on Growth and Goals

Use this time to focus on yourself—your dreams, your passions, and your personal growth. What are some goals you’ve been putting off? What hobbies excite you? When you pour energy into yourself, you realize that happiness isn’t something a relationship brings—it’s something you create.

Final Thoughts: You Are Enough, Just as You Are

Valentine’s Day is about love—but that doesn’t mean it’s only about romantic love. You are worthy of love, just as you are, whether single, dating, or in a relationship. Being single is not a limitation; it’s a chance to build a life that you love, on your own terms.

So this Valentine’s Day, instead of focusing on what you don’t have, celebrate what you do have—an amazing, one-of-a-kind you. ❤️

Happy Valentine’s Day!

trauma

Supporting Children Through Transitions: Tools for Helping Kids Move from One Activity to Another

Connected Treasures

Transitions—whether big or small—can be challenging for any child. For children who have experienced trauma or are neurodiverse, even minor changes in routine can feel overwhelming and trigger big emotional reactions. Thankfully, with understanding, intentional strategies, and tools like Trust-Based Relational Intervention® (TBRI®), parents, caregivers, and teachers can help kids move through transitions with confidence and safety.

Why Transitions Can Be Difficult

Transitions often mean leaving a place of comfort or predictability for the unknown. For children with a history of trauma, change may trigger feelings of loss, fear, or instability. For neurodiverse children (e.g., those with autism or ADHD), transitions can overwhelm their sensory systems, disrupt routine, and challenge their ability to process what’s next.

The result? Anxiety, meltdowns, avoidance, or even shutdowns.

But there’s hope: with preparation, connection, and tools, we can ease these moments and create a sense of safety.

1. The Role of TBRI in Managing Transitions

Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) is a trauma-informed approach that emphasizes connection, empowerment, and correction to support children. Transitions offer an opportunity to use TBRI principles in ways that meet children’s needs before, during, and after the change.

Here’s how you can use TBRI to support transitions:

a. Connection Before Transitioning
Build a bridge of trust before moving to the next activity:

  • Get on the child’s eye level.
  • Use a calming, playful voice to explain what’s next.
  • Offer choices (“Do you want to carry the timer or the schedule?”).
  • Provide physical reassurance (like a hug or handhold) if the child finds comfort in touch.

b. Empowerment Tools
Empower children to manage transitions successfully:

  • Meet basic needs: A child who’s hungry, thirsty, or tired will struggle more with change.
  • Offer sensory tools: A fidget toy, a weighted object, or deep breathing can help regulate emotions during transitions.

c. Correction with Compassion
When a child struggles during a transition, gently guide them back to the plan with empathy. Avoid punitive reactions; instead, model emotional regulation and reinforce trust.

2. Visual Schedules: A Tool for Predictability

Visual schedules are a game-changer for children who thrive on routine and predictability. By showing what’s next in pictures or words, visual schedules:

  • Reduce anxiety about the unknown.
  • Create a concrete plan that children can reference.
  • Allow kids to see and prepare for upcoming transitions.

How to Use Visual Schedules:

  • Keep it Simple: Use images, symbols, or words tailored to the child’s age and needs.
  • Involve the Child: Let them move pieces (e.g., from “To Do” to “Done”) to give them ownership.
  • Provide Warnings: Use a timer or verbal prompts (“5 more minutes, then we’ll move to the car”).
  • Pair it with TBRI Tools: Connection strategies—like playful reminders—make transitions feel safe.

3. Preparing for Big Transitions

When preparing for larger transitions—like starting a new school, moving, or changes in caregivers—keep the following in mind:

  • Prepare Ahead of Time: Talk about the change repeatedly in a calm and positive way. Use role play or visuals to practice what’s coming.
  • Create Predictability: Use social stories, calendars, or schedules to map out the change.
  • Offer Control: Give children choices to help them feel secure. For example, “What toy do you want to bring for the ride?”
  • Stay Connected: Prioritize relational support. A loving and regulated adult helps a child feel safe amidst change.

4. Practical Example: Morning Transitions

Let’s take a common pain point—mornings! Here’s how you can structure it using TBRI and visual tools:

  • Visual Schedule: Post a morning checklist with pictures (e.g., brush teeth, eat breakfast, get dressed).
  • Connection Moment: “I know mornings are tough. Do you want to race me to get shoes on? Ready, set, go!”
  • Empowerment: Offer a sensory break: “Before we leave, let’s do 3 big deep breaths together.”
  • Correction (If Needed): If a meltdown starts, pause and validate: “I see this is hard for you. I’m here to help.” Then redirect gently: “Let’s take it one step at a time—what comes next?”

5. Staying Regulated Yourself

Transitions can be challenging for caregivers too! When we remain calm and regulated, we help co-regulate the child. Be mindful of your tone, body language, and energy, and remember—connection always comes first.

Final Thoughts: Building Trust Through Transitions

Managing transitions for neurodiverse children or those who have experienced trauma requires preparation, connection, and empathy. By using tools like TBRI strategies and visual schedules, we can create a sense of safety that helps children navigate changes with confidence.

With your support, they’ll not only get through transitions—they’ll thrive through them.

Looking for More Tools?
Explore resources about TBRI or download customizable visual schedule templates to get started. Together, we can build safety, trust, and success for every child.

BASIC VISUAL SCHEDULEDownload

Have you found success with visual schedules or TBRI strategies? Share your experience in the comments below!

trauma

Is Your Church Safe and Welcoming for People with Trauma or Disabilities?

Connected Treasures

Churches have long been a place of refuge, healing, and community. However, for people with trauma or disabilities, attending church can be overwhelming or even isolating if their needs are not understood or adequately addressed. If your church desires to be a space where everyone feels truly welcomed and safe, especially those who have experienced trauma or have disabilities, it’s important to evaluate your environment and practices through a compassionate and informed lens.

Here are some key areas to consider as your church seeks to be a more inclusive and safe space for all:

1. **Leadership Awareness and Training**

  Has your leadership been trained to understand trauma and disabilities?

   Trauma and disability are complex issues that can affect individuals physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Church leaders—pastors, elders, deacons, and volunteers—should undergo training to better understand trauma-informed care and disability awareness. Training should include how trauma impacts brain development, behavior, and social interactions, as well as how to support individuals in ways that respect their autonomy and dignity. This is especially important for children and teen ministry leaders and volunteers.

   Consider inviting a specialist in trauma-informed practices, such as a counselor, or someone with expertise in disability ministry to conduct workshops. This ensures that your leadership team can respond with grace, sensitivity, and practical solutions when difficult situations arise.

2. **Physical Accessibility**

   Is your church building physically accessible to people with disabilities?

   For individuals with physical disabilities, accessibility is more than just an ideal—it’s essential. Your church should evaluate its space for wheelchair access, ramps, and elevators, as well as accessible seating options in the sanctuary, classrooms, and social spaces. Bathrooms should also accommodate individuals with mobility challenges.

   Additionally, consider the needs of those who may have sensory processing disorders, autism, or other conditions. Does your church offer sensory-friendly spaces or noise-reduction areas? Is there signage that can help those with cognitive disabilities navigate the building?

3. **Emotional and Social Safety**

Does your church culture promote emotional safety and connection?

   Trauma survivors often carry deep emotional wounds that make them hypervigilant and sensitive to triggers. Your church should foster a culture of acceptance, where everyone—regardless of their emotional state or behavior—feels seen, heard and valued. This could include:

   – Offering small groups or one-on-one discipleship opportunities for deeper connection.

   – Training greeters and volunteers to be aware of body language and non-verbal cues of discomfort or anxiety.

   – Creating trauma-informed spiritual practices, such as providing advance notice about sensitive sermon topics (e.g., abuse or violence) and allowing individuals to step out without judgment if they feel triggered.

   – Having designated people who are trained in trauma available for individuals to check in with.  Maybe a prayer card that someone completes requesting a call during the week, or a referral to a trusted therapist/counselor. 

4. **Communication and Inclusion**

   A truly welcoming church understands that communication goes beyond words. Sermons, prayers, and announcements should be presented in ways that are accessible to all. This may include:

  How inclusive is your church communication, both verbally and non-verbally?

   – Providing sign language interpretation or closed captioning for those who are deaf or hard of hearing.

   – Offering written materials or visual aids for individuals who struggle with cognitive or learning disabilities.

   – Being mindful of language that may be exclusive or harmful to those with trauma histories, such as avoiding terms that could trigger traumatic memories.

   Additionally, when planning church activities, ensure that individuals with disabilities or trauma are actively included. Reach out to them for their input on how to make events more accessible and enjoyable. Do not assume that what works for most will work for all.

5. **Support Systems and Resources**

Does your church provide or connect individuals to support systems for trauma or disability?

   Being a welcoming church means more than just being friendly—it means being a place where people can find support for their unique challenges. Does your church have a team or ministry dedicated to trauma care or disability ministry? If not, consider starting one.

   You may not have all the resources in-house, but your church can partner with local organizations or professionals who specialize in trauma, counseling, or disability support. Offer a list of referrals for mental health services, community programs, or family support groups.

   Consider forming a buddy system for individuals with disabilities, pairing them with trusted, trained volunteers who can offer assistance during services or events.

6. **Spiritual Growth and Worship**

Are there opportunities for spiritual growth and worship for everyone, including those with trauma or disabilities?

   Worship services are central to church life, but for some individuals with trauma or disabilities, traditional services may not be conducive to spiritual growth. Consider offering alternative worship opportunities, such as quiet or contemplative services, for those who may find large crowds or loud music overwhelming.

   Create space for people with disabilities to serve and contribute to the life of the church. Often, churches overlook the gifts and talents of those with disabilities, unintentionally marginalizing them. Everyone, regardless of ability or background, has something valuable to contribute to the body of Christ.

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Creating a truly safe and welcoming church environment for people with trauma or disabilities takes intentionality and ongoing effort. By focusing on leadership training, physical and emotional accessibility, inclusive communication, strong support systems, and adaptive worship opportunities, your church can become a place where everyone feels the love and grace of God in tangible ways.

As you evaluate your church’s current practices, seek feedback from those in your congregation who have experienced trauma or live with disabilities. Ask them about their experiences and how the church can do better. Listening with humility and a desire to grow will go a long way in building a more compassionate, inclusive community.

By asking these questions and taking steps to address them, your church will be better equipped to serve all people—making it a safe haven for those who need it most.